“People, in every stage of my life helped pull me out of that dark place.”

Part 1 of 2

“For all of my childhood, I lived in poverty. I didn’t have my basic needs. We moved probably 18 times when I was a kid. Honestly, it may have been more, but those are the times that I could count.  We didn’t have toothpaste, soap, running water, heat, food, adequate clothing, or shoes.

I tried to make the best of it. Somewhere in my mind I believed that everybody lived that way, but I just didn’t see anybody live that way.  I thought other kids probably had struggles too, but I couldn’t tell by looking at them. 

I remember one time, the shoes that I had pretty much didn’t have a sole anymore. My mom took an old pair of football cleats, got a knife, and she put it on the stove. She tried to cut the cleats off with the hot knife to make them look as much like sneakers as possible. 

But when I got to school, everybody knew that they were cleats, so I was like the running joke that day. I went in the bathroom and cried. My teacher was really sweet about it. She consoled me, but every day it was a fight. Childhood was hard.

I believe it was that way for two reasons. My mom suffered from some form of mental illness, and my dad had a gambling addiction. He was an electrician and worked for AP&L which is now Entergy. So he made a decent living, but we just didn’t see the fruit of that labor. If you looked at us and the way we lived, you would have never known he had a job.

He was in the home, but he wasn’t present. He worked, but he would get off work and go play basketball until the wee hours. Meanwhile, we were at home with no lights, water, or food. He’d come in around 11 or 12 o’clock to 5 kids who hadn’t eaten yet.  So he was in the home, but he wasn’t present in our lives. 

Even though I was dealing with those things, here and there, God would place someone in my life who would give me a ‘nugget’. 

When we were living in West Memphs we got evicted and had no where to go. So my mom called her brother and we packed up and moved to Crossett. I started 1st  grade there. I had a teacher, her name was Ms. Marks, and she saw me. I don’t know if that makes sense, but she saw me. 

She would do little things to let me know that she saw me. If she had cookies she would always sneak me an extra one. Or if she had some leftover lunch, she would save me a little bit of it and say ‘shhh don’t tell nobody.’  In my little child mind, I knew that it was God. 

Then there was my 6th grade teacher, which is funny because I didn’t like her, but she told me something that stuck with me for my entire life. She told me, ‘Karen a lot of times it gets worse before it gets better, but it will get better.’ For me to not even be that fond of her, I still remembered that.

I think that was how I made it through… I didn’t pull myself out. I know that it was something that God did. It was people He put along the way that little by little showed me that there’s more out here and that this isn’t my end.

People in every stage of my life helped pull me out of that dark place. It was like ‘I don’t have everything you need, but here, take this to your next stage.’ And every stage of my life He had somebody there.”

-Karen L.

Part 2 of 2

“I would say I had a difficult childhood. On top of poverty, I dealt with sexual abuse and that was hard because I didn’t have anyone to turn to. 

The thing is, I actually told it. I was vocal about it. But just like in many other cases of child molestation and rape, a lot of people protect the abusers. And that’s what happened in my case. 

There was a lot of ‘Please don’t say anything,’ and ‘We gone deal with it,’ but they protected the person that did it. So I still had to go around that person, and see them at family functions. I dealt with it for quite some time. 

I grew up with this mindset that no matter what family does to you, they’re family and you stick by them. You support them, and you do whatever it is they need because they are family. I’ve just had quite a difficult experience with family, but there was a turning point. 

My dad’s leg was amputated and I was taking care of him. The entire time, he would be so cruel to my mom and I. But because I had that ‘do everything you can for family’ mindset, I kept quiet. 

One day, I had a conversation with him. I said, ‘What you’re doing is wrong and how you’re treating us is wrong.’ I said ‘I’m doing this and that, trying to help you, trying to take care of you.’ And I remember he said, ‘I didn’t ask you to do that.’

I kid you not, my life hadn’t been the same since that day. It was like a lightbulb came on. 

That day, I moved my dad out of my house and I haven’t looked back. If he needs something sure, I’ll still help, but I won’t do it to my own demise. I realized then that you can love people but you don’t have to let people hurt you. You don’t have to pretend that everything is okay. 

Karen right now is healing. I’m reaching goals that I set for myself years ago and they’re starting to come into fruition now. I’ve had hardships yes, but with the people that God has placed at this point in my life, I know I can overcome them. Those people keep me grounded, they hold me accountable. 

What I would say to that young Karen, is that it won’t always be like this. This may be your today, but it’s not going to be your tomorrow. And be careful about who you connect with. You could connect with people that will make it always like that. 

God has something greater, God has something better. This is just a part of your journey. Accept the fight.  It’s hard but it’s possible. You can be happy it’s possible. You can succeed, it’s possible. You can overcome, it’s possible. This is just your path. It’s difficult, but it won’t always be like that.

Karen’s in a really good place, she’s growing. And I’m comfortable with that. Anything that isn’t growing is dead. So I’m growing, and doing my best to enjoy the journey.”